The Best Robe & Fatted Calf, Reflecting Values, Talking to Yourself
Amnous Newsletter #74
Discipleship
“And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.”1
Luke 15:21-22 (KJV)
The parable of the prodigal son powerfully illuminates the nature of God. As the Master Teacher, it is one of Jesus’ masterpieces. To truly appreciate this teaching—and just how deeply God loves you—it’s crucial to understand a little more about the context of the world His immediate audience was living in.
The Father in this parable represents God. The prodigal son represents you and me.
The prodigal decided to leave home and take his inheritance with him. It’s notable that he asked for his inheritance while the father was still alive. This was a sign of serious disrespect. As one commentator noted, “To ask this while the father still lived was the same as to wish him dead.”2 Between the social and cultural dishonor the father must’ve felt from his son asking out of his life—not to mention the personal rejection and injury—it would’ve made sense and, frankly, seem fairly justified if the father’s feelings for his son were dimmed and the relationship between them severed.
Yet, they weren’t. At all.
After struggling mightily out on his own, the humbled son decided to return home, embarrassed and pleading for mercy.
Remarkably, to the father, this son’s return didn’t warrant any “I told you so’s” or “ this is what you deserve’s” from the father. He refused to even accept the son’s offer of servitude.
No, his son’s return warranted the best robe and the fatted calf.3
The 19th-century preacher Octavius Winslow wrote, “No ebb in the tide of your affection, nor trembling in the needle of your faith, has created, or can create, the slightest variation in His love or faithfulness. Your waywardness has not chilled it, your fickleness has not affected it, your sinfulness has not forfeited it, because He is essentially, immutably, and eternally the same.”4
God’s love for you burns brighter than the sun. It does not dim. It cannot. It is not in God’s nature for it to.5
Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword? …
No, in all these things we are more than victorious through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.6
Leadership
“You are not your grand plans. You are your daily patterns.”7
James Clear
A recent article published in The Athletic8 polled 100 people in professional sports. The sample included Hall of Famers, Heisman winners, general managers, NFL, NBA, MLB players, Olympians, and many more. The question was simple: Who are the five leaders in sports they most admired in 2025?
The most admired leader? Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr.
Before his first season as Warriors head coach, Steve spent some time in Seattle with Pete Carroll and the Seahawks. He wanted to watch and observe how an elite organization went about its business.
Pete had spent years as an NFL coach before becoming the head coach at USC. Despite that, he told Steve that he didn’t learn how to coach until he was at USC. Steve asked him what he meant by that. Pete explained, “I realized that every day had to be a reflection of my values as a coach. Those values had to be practiced. It couldn’t be just … slogans (on the wall). It’s about what your day looks like and what it feels like when you walk into the (room).”9
After some reflection, Steve gained clarity on his 4 core values: joy, compassion, mindfulness, and competition.
If you watched the Warriors during the Kerr era, it’s easy to see how his team embodied those values. You can’t watch Steph Curry play without seeing joy.
There is a convincing and convicting power in a leader who lives out his values. In contrast, a leader who refuses or fails to practice their stated values isn’t just a net neutral to those around them; it’s a major negative influence. The lack of authenticity kills belief, enthusiasm, and momentum. It’s better not to have values than to profess values that you aren’t willing to live.
Mental Performance
In a 2023 newsletter, I wrote10, “One of the most important skills in life is learning to talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself.” I believe that much more strongly today. Not only because of the tremendous amounts of evidence of its benefits11, but also because this practice is modeled in scripture.12
The Psalm of Nephi is one of the greatest examples of a prophet refusing to give in to his initial discouraging thoughts but instead engaging in the essential practice of inspired self-talk.
Below is an excerpt from 2 Nephi chapter 4. Italicized are the initial emotions/thoughts that flood his mind. In bold is his internal self talking back.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.13
What can we glean from this? There are a few principles I take away:
Nephi is clearly very distressed by these feelings of discouragement, sorrow, grief, and even self-loathing.
Nephi is also clearly very experienced at self-talk. He provides a textbook example of how to do it. He zoomed in and out of his current situation to gain perspective. He expressed genuine gratitude despite feelings that could justify withholding gratitude. He poked holes in the reasoning of his initial thoughts. He applied logic, data, and evidence against his initial thoughts.
Nephi shows that two things can be true. You can simultaneously feel really hard feelings and not be paralyzed by them. In fact, you can flourish despite them. Flourishing isn’t the elimination or absence of hard feelings. It’s developing the skills and capacity to function at a high level in the face of hard feelings. It would be wonderful for those hard feelings to go away. But if not, you need not be in a state of mental or spiritual paralysis.14
For Nephi, Jesus Christ was central to His self-talk.
What would Nephi’s personal narrative have been had he not actively practiced talking to himself? What if he just listened to his emotions and initial thoughts without challenging them at all?
My heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins.
How bleak if Nephi were to accept those feelings at face value as truth. Yet, this is what so many people do. It is debilitating, exhausting, crushing, and absolutely anti-scriptural. It is antithetical to the principles of rational thinking. But most importantly, it’s anti-Christ, meaning it goes against what prophets have modeled and what Jesus taught.15
A daily practice of inspired self-talk16 is the antidote to many problems and a key element of elite mental performance.
Luke 15:21-22 (KJV)
The Prodial God. Book by Tim Keller
“In that society, most meals did not include meat, which was an expensive delicacy. Meat was often reserved for special occasions and parties. But no meat was more expensive than the fattened calf. To throw such a feast would have been something that happened only on the rarest of occasions, and likely the entire village was invited. Word spread quickly, and soon there was a full-fledged feast going on, with music and dancing, all to celebrate the restoration of the younger son to life, family, and community.”
Excerpt from The Prodial God by Tim Keller
The Sympathy of Christ. Book by Octavius Winslow.
“I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (D&C 82:10)
Apostle James E. Talmage wrote: “Mormonism has taught me that God holds himself accountable to law even as he expects us to do. He has set us the example in obedience to law. I know that to say this would have been heresy a few decades ago. But we have the divine word for it: ‘I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.’ (D&C 82:10.) He operates by law and not by arbitrariness or caprice.” (In Conference Report, Apr. 1930, p. 96.)
Romans 8:35-39. NSRV.
“Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God have access to a special kind of love and mercy. In the Hebrew language, that covenantal love is called hesed (חֶסֶד) …
“Hesed is a special kind of love and mercy that God feels for and extends to those who have made a covenant with Him. And we reciprocate with hesed for Him …
“Because God has hesed for those who have covenanted with Him, He will love them. He will continue to work with them and offer them opportunities to change. He will forgive them when they repent. And should they stray, He will help them find their way back to Him.
“Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us.” - Russell M. Nelson
We asked over 100 people in sports which leaders they most admire. Here are the top 40. Article in The Athletic.
Steve Kerr, Golden State Warriors Head Coach. Podcast. Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais.
Hesed, Happiness Full Stop, Listening To Yourself vs. Talking To Yourself. Newsletter by Aaron Bagley.
Latinjak, A. T., Morin, A., Brinthaupt, T. M., Hardy, J., Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Kendall, P. C., Neck, C., Oliver, E. J., Puchalska-Wasyl, M. M., Tovares, A. V., & Winsler, A. (2023). Self-talk: An interdisciplinary review and transdisciplinary model. Review of General Psychology, 27(4), 355–386. https://doi.org/10.1177/10892680231170263
Kim, J., Kwon, J. H., Kim, J., Kim, E. J., Kim, H. E., Kyeong, S., & Kim, J. J. (2021). The effects of positive or negative self-talk on the alteration of brain functional connectivity by performing cognitive tasks. Scientific reports, 11(1), 14873. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-94328-9
Grzybowski, J., & Brinthaupt, T. M. (2022). Trait Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, and Self-Talk: A Correlational Analysis of Young Adults. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 12(9), 300. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs12090300
One of the clearest clarifiers for what it means to listen vs talk to yourself comes from Justin Su’a: “What listening to yourself is is looking at your thoughts and attaching truth to all of them and saying, ‘Yep, that’s true, that’s true, that’s true’, as opposed to pausing and debating your thoughts.”
This pattern of talking to yourself instead of just listening to yourself is a hallmark of the greats. It’s one of the greatest benefits of journaling. It gives you an opportunity not just to write down your thoughts and feelings, but to talk to yourself.
One of my favorite examples of this comes from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. He is constantly talking to himself. In the following excerpt, he is talking to himself regarding the daily battle each of us faces today: waking up vs. sleeping in. “At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’ So you were born to feel ‘nice’? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants, spiders, and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.”
I would argue that Nephi demonstrates principles consistent with psychological flexibility, the core aim of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Jesus said, “Look unto me in every thought.” You cannot look unto Him in every thought while at the same time accepting certain feelings at face value as truth. It is impossible. Why? Because if you looked unto Him in every thought, you’d see yourself as He sees you. How does He see you? He sees greatness in you. To Him, you are someone valuable enough to pay the ultimate price for.
In short, looking unto Christ in every thought looks a lot like what Nephi models in this passage.
I like this idea of inspired self-talk. It’s not merely positive self-talk. It’s Holy Ghost-directed self-talk. Self-talk garnished by divine truth.